Eventually love
has been connoted and reduced down to only one of its forms. Love for other
person. And even in that, mostly love
for a romantic interest or family ties and sometimes to friendship. But isn’t love
way more and way bigger than that? Doesn’t it start within yourself, for
yourself and radiate out to everything around you, humans and non humans,
living and non living? For life and
after death? For loss.
I have often
kept it to myself, my relationship to loss. Because what I will state it here,
confuses people and wants them to knock some sense into me. But how do I
disapprove of it, when I so strongly feel it, and not feel it. The relationship
is: I do not feel the loss of dead, as much as I have felt the loss of living
ones. Somehow death of people around me has always brought a kind of peaceful
good bye for me. I have felt like those wise bhuddhas who knew about detachment.
I knew for sure that nothing can bring them back. But the biggest condolence
for me was they have not left me behind for the same things with someone else.
They have just left. The chapter is completely closed. Not a new chapter with
new characters. And that kind of always wrapped a comforting blanket around me.
Maybe this rose from the sense of insecurity that I can definitely say I suffer
from. Or maybe it is not. But the same doesn’t stand true for me, whenever I
have lost a living person.
The form of loss
is not in form of death but in form of ending of a relationship. Not
necessarily always romantic. My mourning has improved. I do not become paralyzed
anymore. I gather the pieces faster and try to put them together and move on as
well. But deep down, it still feels the same. Only my form of expression has
changed. And moving on of the other person doesn’t bother me so much as the
knowing that I am no longer the part of the moved on life. I do not envy
others. I just mourn the loss of my presence in their lives.
But these instances have always brought a gift with them too. Over the years, while I may not understand why that person did what they did, but I am always able to connect the dots to see what such a thing happened in first place. The departure of the person, of that relationship was required, because someone new, something new was waiting to enter my life. I am not a big fan of change and I still resist these changes. I am happy with the first person and the first relationship I may have for rest of my life. I would rather see one town completely than to hop around the whole world. Or maybe not, now. I do want to travel to many new places. And I do want to meet many new interesting people. And this is what I want to write about. Not my broken heart. And Elizabeth Gilbert very beautiful and correctly stated “When the karma of a relationship is done, only love remains. It’s safe. Let go” So with loss comes an eternal feeling of love that can last for your lifetime, even without the physical presence of that person. The only thing required is to understand the concept of time and space and to find that eternal flame within yourself.
