Detachment

To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness - Erich Fromm

When you learn not to want things so badly, life comes to you. - Jessica Lange 

Attachment, Detachment and Indifference, are often linked and thought to be interconnected. The only connection that they have is that there is no connection between them. Attachment and detachment are not opposite, just as color black and white are not opposite technically. The absence of any color is the opposite of white, while black itself is a color too, and white is coming together of all the colors. Same way, the absence of any kind of attachment is detachment and not, forcing yourself and attaching yourself to process of detachment. Hence while attachment and detachment are not opposite, Indifference and detachment are not synonyms either. While indifference is to be not concerned about particular person, thing or emotion, detachment is to be completely interested but not holding it tight, or getting attached to it. Its about enjoying it till it lasts. When its not there any longer, you move on to the next moment, realizing that whatever was there in past, is past now and it fulfilled its destiny and the role it was supposed to play.  

So why is detachment necessary? Is it possible to feel emotions and still be detached? Why in a social structure we have created, we are often accused of being detached by the people close to us?

Detachment is very much necessary if you want to enjoy a color in a picture completely, while not comparing it with other colors present there or anything else.  I would go further and say that detachment is the process of seeing or feeling something in isolation but in totality. And when we see or experience something in totality we tend to do justice on both the parties. The source as well as self, who is receiving it. And when all such individual colors come together fulfilling the role they were meant for, a beautiful picture is created.

The way an artist cannot be biased towards any color or shade to come up with a justified masterpiece we also should not be biased towards any emotion or person by being too attached to it. And when we stop running after the butterfly of life, but instead are composed and calm with inner peace, the butterfly of life comes and sits on our shoulders, granting us all that we desire, are interested, but will not grieve if we ever loose it. Because if we loose it eventually, it means we were supposed to loose it in first place.

Getting attached to the presence disrupts the bigger picture of enjoying the presence. We inhibit the flow of life, stopping it to pour into us a new person, feeling, emotion or experience.

The society we live in, there is often confusion between detached and indifference, our loved ones often accuse us of indifference while all we try to be is detached. We do not feel the pain or loss as much as they do, because somewhere we enjoyed it till it was there completely and we accept the fact that it can no longer be there. We move on comparatively faster than other, but then most of people stick us with label of Indifference, while all we are doing is tying to be detached. Also it is absolutely possible to feel, and feel completely all the while remaining detached. Attachment eventually creeps into when we are into love, or in any comfortable feeling, but that is the test, the difference we need to keep, the distance we need to maintain. And by being there and still not holding it, by having it and still not missing it, by living it and not being dead or living some other life , is the key to enjoy , feel an emotion in totality and still be detached.

Hence for a person who has had problems because of attachment, detachment is not the final stage. It’s the middle state of things. Once the person is detached, then a new sun rises, and the person is able to breathe in a new fresh air. The person starts valuing and cherishing every breath, every moment.

After all sometimes we need to destroy whatever we have, so that can create something new. Isnt empty hand the one that can hold the most, of whatever it may receive.