Grief

Grief is a tidal wave that over takes you, smashes down upon you with unimaginable force, sweeps you up into its darkness, where you tumble and crash against unidentifiable surfaces, only to be thrown out on an unknown beach, bruised, reshaped...Grief will make a new person out of you, If it doesn't kill you in the making (in the first place) - Stephanie Ericsson

Grief drives men into habits of serious reflection, sharpens the understanding, and softens the heart - John Adams

While most of emotions have many shades and intensities of feeling, of impact, Grief just has one. And that is Grief. This is one emotion which either you have it or you don’t, there are no milder versions. While the reason for the presence of this emotion may vary in every individual, the intensity of it makes people around even wary of coming closer. This is also one of the emotion which not necessarily everyone would have faced it by now. Many do feel it sometime in their lifetime, but not necessarily.

This emotion is very different from Hurt and Loss in a way that it occurs immediately after the realization of Loss , but lot before we realize we are Hurt. Infact once grief leaves us, then we remain with Hurt. It is the sudden realization within, an acceptance within, of what has already happened in reality outside. There is only one thing that happens exactly at the moment of grief – Damage. And there is only one taste of it – Bitter. In the spectrum of emotions, this emotions stands alone in the dark corner at the end of the spectrum. And this is the emotion which requires only one person. The person himself to feel it.  The other person simply doesn’t has any role to play in it, else everyone will be equally or nearly grieved on death of an individual. But it is the person closest, the person who loved the most, the person who felt the most, and the person whose life will be altered the most, Grieve the most.

Nothing pierces the heart more than the wail of a first time mother loosing her unborn child, or cry of the person holding the other with blood soaked hands , trying to hold firmer onto the last breaths, than the person itself,  or the child being pulled away at the moment when it has known that it will never see the parents ever again, or a lover realizing the sudden death of a love that once was. The outcome of the person who feels the grief ranges from death, to life long silence, to loss of smile to detachment to even sometimes start living again. But the reaction of people around the grieving person is only moist eyes and choking heart. The expression of grief in the form of wail is strong enough to break down the strongest of walls. And if it is expressed through silence, it breaks down the strongest of humans too.

The best way to handle it is as expressed by Hafiz of Persia – “Do not surrender your grief so quickly, Let it cut more deeply, Let it ferment and season you, As few human or divine ingredients can.” Samuel Johnson also says that “While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till it be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it “ While most of the emotions alter us, change us in a form that we may not be sure of once they pass, the aftereffects of Grief is only one – More Happiness.  The way to appreciate beauty of day, we need to know the darkness of night, we start appreciating happiness , life more, once we know what grief does to us or possibly can.

But then to not experience Grief and be totally detached comes at a price of not experiencing happiness, love, warmth, sense of security too. Do not go out and seek grief, but if it comes, do not stop breathing either, cos happiness is not far away.  Afterall there is only one lifetime and so many different shades to see, flavors of taste , places to visit and Emotions to feel.