Lust

“If one wants another only for some self-satisfaction, usually in the form of sensual pleasure, that wrong desire takes the form of lust rather than love.”  - Mortimer Adler

“It is love rather than sexual lust or unbridled sexuality if, in addition to the need or want involved, there is also some impulse to give pleasure to the persons thus loved and not merely to use them for our own selfish pleasure.”  - Mortimer Adler

While holding onto to someone it becomes imperative to pause and wonder as to what makes the person hold on?  Is it the person or is the habit of having the person around that we miss? Do we really want to hold on because there are some qualities in the other that complement us and we may miss them , or is it something that we had earlier or wanted to have but never got , or may not get in future that keeps us holding on. As Judith Viorst has said “Lust is what keeps you wanting to do it even when you have no desire to be with each other. Love is what makes you want to be with each other even when you have no desire to do it. “ . Hence when a moment of holding on comes, one thing is crystal clear. Only the person holding on is now present in the relationship. The other person has definitely moved on – permanently or temporarily - only time can tell. 

And hence comes this most darkest emotion of human race which is also one of the most defining emotion in a relationship. The most sought about and yet the most unwanted, the most purest and yet the most tainted. Sages have warned about it since ages, kings have ruined themselves since dynasties and the common person is always on war with this most basic and common emotion. And usually one of the methods to hold on is through lust. And sadly people would hang on the other as if increase of appetite had grown, by what it fed on.

When the water has actually flown away below our feet, we still sometimes long for the feel of it. Among all the senses the easiest to please is of touch. In a way fulfilling of this sense brings along with it others forms too- visual, vocal and sometimes platonic too. As Bhuddha said “Of all the worldly passions, lust is the most intense. All other worldly passions seem to follow in its train.

 Strange as it may seem this is one emotion that consumes a strong relationship between two not always by too much want of it, but sometimes by not wanting of the same too. A strong bond is formed when all the forms of association are completed. When the basic form is not completed, it is really tough to sustain though two people may have bonded at various other levels. Lust arises in the self with no or little role played by the other. And hence in fulfillment of this desire we hardly take the other person into consideration. No wonder it lies at the last dark corner of the spectrum of emotions because of such selfish interest that arises with this. But nevertheless the bond is incomplete without this emotion too. To not lust at all is equally dangerous as is to lust too much. Both consume you. One with fire of its intensity and other with coldness.

And as Alexander Pope concluded it beautifully “But when his own great work is but begun, What Reason weaves, by Passion is undone. Lust, through some certain strainers well refined, is gentle love, and charms all mankind “.